I've changed my mind.

Yes, I'm going to stop it here.

I don't dare to proceed, for I'm scared that history will repeat itself.

I'm scared of losing, hence I don't intend to even get it. Oh well, when you don't have it, you won't lose it.

What happened in the past did affect me a lot. Although I clearly understand that nothing will be forever, I just can't let go. I couldn't let go of everything that had happened. And it really took me very, very long to accept what had happened after that. I thought that I would manage to clear my mind sometime ago after knowing the theory of how certain things work. Frankly, I think maybe I did, but I developed a phobia about it.

To replace and to be replaced.

A simple and yet hard to accept reality.

Sometimes I think I am just paranoid. But then, I can't affort to let it happen again! I won't be able to take it! It really hurts and the feeling is really, really unpleasant.

I don't know how you'll take this, but haiz.. I'm sorry.

* * *

I had my very first official Track and Field training today. Wah I didn't know how much I missed Track and Field trainings until I went for it today. My fellow throwers! My fellow friends from sprints/long-d/short-d/jumps. ahhhh. I feel that that is where I belong. No matter how many kilos of weights I have to lift, no matter how many standing broad jumps I have to complete, I am happy every single moment!

The difference between hockey and track is that I feel physically tired only, and not both mentally and physically.

ahhHhh Big Ron made me do 80 standing broad jumps today!! I think I better stretch lots n lots of times before I sleep today. Or else I can forget about getting off my bed tomorrow! bahhh!