My Past | My Present

It has been a year since I last posted. I guess nobody is reading my blog nowadays so I can write whatever I want.

Apparently lots of crap happened this year. They are things that changed my life.

In summary:

1. I went to Europe again, with a guy friend and not my boyfriend (as he is not interested in Europe).

2. I quit my job because I was totally sick of what I was doing and I'd foreseen that there won't be a change any time soon.

3. I returned to China on a long term basis, though I'm not likely to stay here for good. Reason being dad needs help in his factory.

4. I attended a court hearing for the first time in my life (attended, not being involved in any way). Second one is coming soon.

5. I travelled to USA, Canada and Korea in 9 days, all for the first time.

6. My first ever relationship came to an end.

7. My phone cracked T.T

8. Oh, and I attended G-Dragon's concert!!

It's not hard to guess that to me, the worst of all is having ended my first relationship.

I just felt so foolish to think that he would love me enough to marry me at the end of this year. The truth is, I never believed him that he loved me enough to make me happy. I never dared to tell others that he is mine and that he will never leave me. I was never confident about our relationship and our future.

This fear has always been haunting me. Is this the sense of insecurity? Is this insecurity because of him or is there problem with myself?

Somehow I think I was hardly happy from within throughout the past 1 year. There were too many disappointments. I think I was about to lose myself before I decided to go for a change. I believe I was an extrovert in the past and resented negative mentality. I heard there's something called positive energy. If this exist, I think my positive energy had been etched away slowly.

I'm glad I was brave enough to step out for a change. He gave me up twice to pursue his own happiness. I guess he doesn't really need me in his life, which is something I felt even before we started the relationship.

Anyways, cheers to being single again!

Hope I can get a Korean boyfriend next to brush up my Korean, Haha, just joking. But I'm open to the idea ^^

I think I'm going to blog more from now on, since I have no one to talk to and no friends in the city I stay in China.