'Unrequited love is not love at all.'

 -Wei Zhong kor kor 

 I was so glad that he understood it well even before he got into love. Unlike me, it took me so long to realise the importance of the meaning of these words. I learnt my lesson in a very, very hard way..

 Others can very confidently claim that they know you very well.. Me? Ironically I can only very confidently claim that I don't know you well at all. I don't know what you are thinking, I don't know what you want. I have no idea when to say the right things, and when not to do the wrong things in front of you. 

 I admit it, it's a mistake since the start. Fuck my life. 

 Through FB I got to know my primary school classmate got engaged at the age of 23, just this September. Also via FB, I found out that my JC schoolmate got married in December last year, also at the age of 23. 

What am I doing here? Always daydreaming of getting married with someone whom I can spend the rest of my life with. Dreaming of marrying early, perhaps at the age of 26, and be a mother of two before I hit 30. That was my dream when I entered university. During the senior years of university life, I came to realise that this dream will not come true, because there was no one who wanted me. I knew my clock was ticking fast, so I extended this 'deadline' to 28, hoping that some miracles will happen before I reach 26. But hell no, I'm reaching 25 and I am STILL all alone. I really wonder how many people around me have lesser experiences in love and relationships than me. 

 Then I started to doubt myself. I began to question myself if I'm ugly, if my character sucked so much that no one dares to get near me. Or am I not good enough to be a girlfriend/wife material, maybe I don't know how to cook better or do housework better? Perhaps I'm not caring or sweet enough in the eyes of men, or because I don't know how to act gentle and weak in front of guys? 

When everyone in the whole world can enjoy the feeling of being in love, I know the problem lies with me. I know somehow I must have sucked so much that no one wants me, or at least nobody wanted to settle down with me seriously. 

Falling in love is the root cause to all my sorrows. The only way not to hurt myself again and which is also within my control is not to ever fall in love again. If I can't stop it, I must avoid it from happening. Fuck my life for believing that I could have a happy ending in my love life somehow. I should have acknowledged the fact that I'm not meant to have a peaceful love life in the first place. I'm not meant to have a happy love life since the start.

 *    *    *

 Since there is no future, why are we still wasting our time?