I can be very undecisive sometimes. I'm always very enthusiatic when certain things are going to happen. However, when it happens, I back off. I feet like giving up, running away. I don't know what is it with me. All I know is that I'm always highly doubtful with myself. I don't know why.

I'm not a born leader. I have neither the charisma to arouse people, nor am I responsible enough. I don't dare to take up leadership positions, for I fear that I might let everyone down. Yet, the flame of helping others and be someone constructive burns in my body. I want, but I don't dare. It's the fear that held me back, again and again.

May be my friend has a point--- my perceptions of serving is wrong. But.. what about those sayings? Such as: To lead is to serve, A servant leader. I don't know. Anyway, probably I won't be able to do a good job if I was one. The main factor is missing in me--- the ability to lead. If only the question can be answered simply by tossing a coin..

***
hmm. I think that good things and bad things happen simultaneously. Just like forces--- the action and reaction pair. When some good things happened, there'll be always some bad things happening. A twisted illustration of the economic term 'opportunity cost'. Sounds like I'm making no sense. Nevermind, hhaha.

Everyone has their own strength, something they are really good at. I have yet to find mine. I don't know how much I can contribute to the society. I didn't excel in any field up to now, be it in studies, sports, hobbies, anything. Everyone is made and cut out for certain things only, but what am I made and cut out for?? 'A' levels is only a year's time away. I've not had any ambition yet. I don't know what I want to do or what I want to be in the future. I have no idea how I want my future to be like. I'm just living in this world aimlessly, following through everything blindly, hoping someone or something will help me and lead me.

***
Am I asking for too much?

Live a day as if there will be no tomorrow. Only then you will realise how wonderful this world is.