I'm kind of sad again.

My life has been in a pretty mess for quite some time. My lecture notes are empty. My tutorials are not done. I'm always late for school. I'm forever dozing off in class. I can't be bothered with the things happening around me. I've lost my motivation. I can't recall my purpose of living. I'm always wasting my time away. I can't concentrate during lectures. I..

This good friend of mine inspired me some time ago. I've learnt to smile whenever I can, though sometimes I just can't help it but to put up an expressionless face. I'm so sorry. So sorry for letting people down. They expected better things from me. However, again and again, I let them down..

I made a lot of assumptions in my life. One of the biggest mistake I made was to assume that the world I'm living in is ideal. Ideal in a sense that there're mutual understanding between people. They won't question you much for the things you have done. But I'm wrong.. I'm so wrong..

I don't understand. Why am I always giving in to others? Many people hurt me before, directly or indirectly. And I'm always choosing to ignore whatever they've said or done. Others may see that I've a heck care attitude, or, choose to forgive. Actually to be frank, I don't know what I've been doing all along. All I know is that I always feel numb when such things happen. I didn't really stand up for myself. I didn't dare too. And I don't know why. May be I'm scared of losing friends. I don't know.

I don't like cliques. I don't understand why people want to form cliques. So what if you have a few 'very close' friends? I know I don't have as many 'very close' friends like you do. But I'd rather choose to have a bunch of friends rather than just a few 'very close' friends. I despise people who think forming cliques are cool.

Sometimes, trying too hard will only bring negative effects.