My Past | My Present

It didn't go really well today. A called me in the morning asking me if I want to accompany C to exchange money and, maybe explore the city for one of the last times before we leave Chennai 2 weeks later. A was speaking of going to some iconic places of this city to take some photos just yesterday and I happily assumed that we'd be taking tonnes of photos today. After spending efforts in my make-up and all, I finally got up the car, amazed to see B on the car as well, as he said he wasn't interested in going to the city center yesterday.

During the drive to the city center, I happened to ask them what is the plan for the day, and which are the places we are exploring today.

B turned to me and said, ' No, I don't want to go those places, I've told them.'

Me, 'Huh? Then why did you come out in the first place?'

B, 'To accompany C to change money only.'

A, 'Oh we've decided not to go those places to take photos.'

Me (turned to B with a puzzled look), 'So we won't be going anywhere after C exchanges his money?'

A, 'Yah..'

Me, 'Then why did you ask me to come along?

A, 'To accompany C to exchange money loh. Cuz B doesn't want to go and take photos so we have decided not to go too.'

Me (silently cursing in my heart), ' WTF!'

I mean, I don't mind going to the city center just to accompany C but actually I seriously don't give a damn. At least tell me your plans and decisions so that I didn't have to waste my time and effort preparing for the day right?

C is always the problem for us when we wants to go somewhere here. Either he doesn't want to go, or he wants to go back early. Either that or he refuses to have dinner with us because he thinks it's too expensive (when he wants to spend the same amount of money in the arcade to play the other time). Even if he joins us for a meal when he doesn't really have a choice (e.g. when we are already out and decided to go somewhere to eat along the way), he'd refuse to eat (fine, I can accept that), and fall asleep at some corner. Sleeping at a corner is not really a big problem but his behaviour just turns people off.

I think to me, C can only be a colleague but he can never be a friend. Not even as a normal friend. He doesn't know the art of accommodating people around him. I thought I'm bad enough, he is worse. Even another colleague, D, commented that with this attitude, he won't make many friends out there in this world. I totally agree with D.

* * *

Even though I'm known to hate Economics back in my JC days among my friends, I must admit that during that few months of lessons (before I dropped it at the end of my 1st year), I learnt one of the most important things in life.

It's called luxury goods versus necessities. In other words, wants versus needs.

To me, you are both a want and a need. I want you because of that unexplained chemistry and attraction I have for you. I need you because I know I can't live well when you are not around. I'll be incomplete if I don't have you in my life.

That night I decided to ask you the question. 'Do you need me?' I didn't ask you if you want me or not because I know you definitely don't. I kind of expected what your answer would be but I am still upset when you carefully avoided answering the question. Well, no answer is one of the worst answers. So you don't want me, neither do you need me in your life, not even as a friend. What am I to you then..?